T.M. Hanson

Hello, my loves! I haven’t been very active recently, due to my health, but I had an idea to send out updates on all that I’m doing. This was a place where I wanted to share some of the stories I’ve been working on or some of my smaller pieces, but I’ve been so focused on myself that I haven’t really been doing much writing. However, that’s slowly starting to change, so I thought I’d start sending out little updates on what I’ve been working on and what’s going on with me.

Either way, I will continue to keep posting here. Whether that will be monthly, quarterly, bi-monthly, I’m not sure yet. We’ll see how much progress I make each month first! I don’t want to share if there’s not much to share.

April has been such a wild but lovely month. We’re not that far out of Retrograde and eclipse season, both of which exhausted and stressed me out. However, I’ve learnt so much and grown so much in these past few weeks alone, so I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to reflect, recharge, and get clear on my priorities. I hope this time was just as fruitful for you! It’s okay if not and you’ve been left feeling like a big, deflated turd. We’ve all been there. I hope you all get the chance to rest and recover in whatever way you need.

Writing

I would say this month has been successful on the writing front. I’ve actually been able to write properly here and there, which is new. I realised that it was this time last year I finished Vol.6 of In Want of a Wife, meaning it’s taken me a whole year to get to the point where I can start writing again. Apart from when I was doing my Masters, that’s the longest break I’ve ever taken from writing!

However, I’m glad to be back at it and I’ve been working on Vol.7 of IWOAW. I’m not far off of being halfway through. I’m hoping I will get closer to that halfway mark by next month. Plus, seeing so many chapters either finished or in the editing stage is exciting. I can’t wait to show people what I’ve been working on and where I’ll take the story next, because I’m currently much happier with the end result than I thought I’d be.

I’ve also been working on fanfiction, making minor edits and writing more of various fics I have on the back-burner. They’re not far from being finished either.

That’s about it, writing wise, but compared to the past few months or even the past year, the pace is starting to pick up again. That’s quite a lot really! One finished chapter, two in its final editing stages, and two drafts being edited is a strong entrance back into writing, so I can’t wait to see what the next month brings!

Reading

Reading wise, I haven’t read absolutely loads. That’s because the Romanovs (by Sebag Montefiore) has been an on-going endeavour. Halfway through, I did take a break, as it was taking me so long. I decided to finish Orlando by Virginia Woolf instead. I very much enjoyed the second half in comparison to the first, and I did end up feeling satisfied and pleased with the book overall. It’s not the easiest book to get through or read in my opinion, as it can be quite slow or dry in places, but I found myself connecting more to Orlando in the last half to the point where I’d definitely read it again. From a queer perspective, it was definitely nice to read some queer fiction in general.

I also read a book someone gave me years ago- Freaks, Geeks, and Aspergers Syndrome. This was back before Aspergers was renamed and moved under the umbrella of autism properly. It’s also written by a teen for other kids and teens with autism. When I was diagnosed, someone recommended this and maybe gave it to me? I’m not entirely sure how I acquired it to be honest, but I never read it, so I thought I’d give it a go now. It’s really short and easy to read- I think, from a child or teen perspective, it would have been a helpful book to read back when it was given to me. I feel it would have helped me to feel ‘seen’ a little bit more. As an adult, I don’t feel that was the case but I still found out a couple of things about myself that I didn’t know! So, there you are. It’s been nice to keep learning about myself and about the disability in general.

In addition to these books, I essentially bin-dived a handful of novels from my mom’s workplace. She often has books donated to her and sometimes, I get to take them home before they’re sold or put into the library at work. A lot of them were terrible (a whole box just for Danielle Steele!!) but I managed to scavenge some good ones, including Jurassic Park. It’s a book that’s been recommended a few times to me and I was excited to finally get my hands on it. Oh my God, I loved it! Absolutely enjoyed every second of reading that book and I’d definitely read it again. It even convinced me to watch Jurassic Park: Lost World, since I’ve never been interested in the franchise (I’ve seen the first film a few times but that’s about it). I would actually love to read the second too. So, highly recommend! Even if it’s not your usual genre.

I did end up finishing the Romanovs. Compared to the first half, I read the last half insanely fast. That was mainly because I love anything to do with the Russian Revolution, so if there was even a whiff of me getting to that point in time (such as Nicholas II being born), I was like ‘damn, here we go’ and I basically speed read nearly half of the book in a few days. Altogether, I loved reading the book, especially anything to do with the Revolution (it didn’t take up much space but the insinuation was enough). The drama really was real. I’d definitely read that again in the future!

As a palate cleanser, I decided to read The Devil Wears Prada. That’s another book I’ve had sitting around for ages (years, in fact) and I decided to finally read it. I enjoyed it. It was simple; it was fun; it was scathing. In some ways, I preferred the film; in others, I preferred the book. There were a few parts of it that were very of the time but would be seen as offensive now, but aside from that, it was generally an easy and brain-dead read, precisely what I was looking for. The best thing that came out of it was that I ended up watching the film, which I still have on DVD- I hadn’t seen it in years!

I started reading Female Rage by Valentis and Devane, though I quickly ducked out around the second chapter. Their sampling was weak and their over-reliance on psychodynamic theories put me off. I can’t stand anything Freud. I tried to give it a go and after the first chapter, I’d really hoped there would be less Freud and less references to subconscious incest but alas! So, I gave that up in the end. It’s a shame because the general concept of mixing psychology, pop culture, literature, and mythology, as well as politics, to discuss the emergence of ‘female rage’ is fascinating and I’d still love to read something like that. Just not this book, I think.

At the moment, I’m currently reading Shadow of Night, the second book in The All Souls’ Trilogy (a.k.a. A Discovery of Witches). My partner and I just finished the second season, so now I’m reading the book. I’ve been loving it so far. I’m really pleased to be back in the book version of this world, as it’s far more detailed and insightful than the series. So, I have no doubt I’ll enjoy it! Nice way to end the month, reading-wise.

Personal

A lot has happened over April, most of which I can’t even remember but some of the highlights are:

• My partner and I have tickets to go see AURORA!! We’ve wanted to see her for ages; we’re so excited!
• My trial period for pistachio and rose porridge was a success. Would highly recommend!
• I’ve managed to unpack the spare room after several months of us living in the flat. We now can sit and sleep in there.
• We have a new shelving unit in our bedroom and I’m absolutely in love with it. It smells very strongly of incense.
• I have tinted glasses now, as well as my loops, and my fatigue and sensory issues have lessened considerably. This is what non-disabled people must feel like all the time. Lucky bastards.
• I also have worse sight in my right eye than I thought (I’ve always had 20/20 vision) so I have lenses for my right eye now because my sight has deteriorated. I’ve never worn glasses before, so that’s been a wild transition for me.
• One of my family members from Ireland came over and we got to spend time with her, and she told me all about her wife.
• My partner and I went shopping in town and we ended up getting books from a book sale and then found a charity shop for books that we didn’t know existed and proceeded to buy more books in there. Our bags were very heavy, I can tell you that much.
• My weight training at the gym has paid off. I have visible muscles now!

This month has also had its moments of stress, overwhelm, and heaviness. As mentioned before, there has been a lot to reflect on, recover from, and learn alongside. Yet, I always try and recognise the good with the bad and there has been much more good this month than anything else. Every day I try and recognise what I’m grateful for, as well as how far I’ve come. I’m so happy to be writing regularly again, as well as seeing how much progress I’ve made in my personal life. I continue to feel inspired to read, which is a blessing! That’s not something that always happens… So, I’m very much ready for next month and all that it brings.

Here’s to May! One of my favourite seasons of the year- both spring and Taurus/Gemini season. Here’s to hedonism, being among nature, curiosity, a boost in energy, sustainable growth, and being amongst loved ones!

An Additional Note

For a moment, I wanted to talk about the things happening outside of myself. There has been less coverage, less conversation, around Palestine, Sudan, Lebanon, etc. Activist and political fatigue is a real thing, as well as the massacres that have been occurring in Palestine for there to be less ground coverage the longer we go on. I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways I can continue to contribute and feel satisfied with my offerings to others, as well as understanding my own capacity and need for rest. In the modern world of striving and social media, it’s easy to feel the strain and blur the lines of morality, especially when it comes to knowing when we’ve done enough and understanding the importance of collective, sustainable action over individual striving for the moral high ground.

We’ve been talking internationally about Palestine and Sudan since October. I understand it has been a long effort. We don’t always have the time, money, or energy to maintain the support we were giving it at the beginning. However, if you don’t have any of those things- rest, first and foremost- but also, consider other means of resistance.

Educating yourself, talking about it, sending regular emails to your representatives in government, joining a local group or organisation that reflects your opinions and morals so that you are not alone are all important gestures too. Understanding how your own country contributes to inequitable and unsustainable systems, as well as contributing to dismantling that in your own home country, is just as important in contributing to worldwide freedom, equity, and compassion as any other means of resistance. By challenging and reflecting on how we all contribute and live within capitalist, imperialist structures, working to change that for the common good, is as important as contributing towards a ceasefire. In fact, they’re inseparable. The further we push for national acceptance, peace, and goodwill, the more we are likely to take the steps towards international peace.

It’s a long and tiring journey. I’ve been involved in politics from a young age, due to my own circumstances. I merely wanted people to rethink how they are contributing to these discussions and actions if they feel they are beginning to tire. Don’t feel bad for taking a break- that’s what collective action is there for (we are here to support each other), but it’s so important to get involved on a local and national level too. That will help you with how you organise internationally. Plus, these groups and organisations know more about collective action and resistance than people shouting on the internet, no matter how many times people on twitter try to convince you otherwise.

Remember, being tired doesn’t excuse no longer boycotting and loosening your morals. Don’t give in now. We’ve come so far, but recognise what real long-term action looks like, what it takes to contribute continually. Learn from your elders and from history. Be open to learning more about what persistence and resistance looks like beyond immediate and reactive action. Even if there’s less coverage online, doesn’t mean this is over or there isn’t still a call for action. As I continue to learn how to maintain my activism, even with fatigue, as I learn for myself what sustainable and collective action looks like and where I can find it, I hope you too find your own way on this journey. We’re in this together; we’re not alone. Let’s not give in when we’ve come this far.